aka, a poorly-made aperitif for the rest of this site.

This is for the people who feel like they’re “going through it” at the moment. That can range from people who have adequate support systems, attend therapy regularly, and drink the juice of 2.5 oranges every day, to people who are absolutely barebacking reality right now. Many of us are somewhere in between, myself included.

Like, you feel it. Overwhelmingly or not. Some days are easier, not easy. You wake up and just do life with few diversions. These days were never really extraordinary; they just filled the space between the good and the bad. These days gave pause from the crazy, the tense, and the demanding. Maybe a lot of us never thought we’d arrive at a point in our lives where the predictable became the desired, but that’s what happens when the opposite feels like the darkest timeline. Or the dumbest timeline, depending on your take. People being angry. Your family becoming radicalized because some old man on tv in a toupee and a suit not dry cleaned since ’04 told them that the immigrants, LGBTIQA+ community, and Muslims formed a radical underground movement threatening to subvert foundational ideals of late-stage American Capitalism. Women’s bodily autonomy flying right out the window. Billionaires running for political office. You finding out people are not who they really say they are, but act who they really are. Shit is wild. It was wild back in the 60s when people genuinely thought the Soviet Union was going to bomb the States. It’s wild now, too–but made worse because of the seamlessness of information sharing. You and I don’t even have the luxury of being blithely unaware anymore. But what a luxury that would be.

I would give this all up for coziness. I would remain ignorant if I had a choice without compromising a single brain cell. Sometimes, life feels like one coping mechanism deployed after another, coping with rapid changes. The short-term, unpredictable nature (at least as of now) contorts pleasure into a stopgap measure. Like your friend fucking a stranger instead of going to therapy because they’re deeply afraid of being alone. Except that sex is usually free and therapy is not. But back to coping; you cope, grieve, cope, rejoice, cope, maintain, and so on. Now picture these stages happening only in your mind (that’s anxiety!). The mental does not fit the reality, but the mental is your reality, and your reality has to exist alongside everyone else’s realities, all of which comprise the Reality with a big R, which is sensitive to large-scale shifts. Like the Pandemic with a big P. Or war. Even passive observers get sucked into the vortex that is big brained primates trying to fuck over everything. We are Midas but with the touch of destruction, sometimes.

In conclusion: things are bad but they may improve. I will never stop longing for a time where we all a) live in areas with adequate tree cover, b) have access to healthy food, c) respect people from all creeds, including witches (sorry, women), and d) end each breath knowing that we consciously choose to exist in a world where life doesn’t squander life, but gives it back.

Ooh, I almost forgot! Ok, so my favorite aperitif is Campari because it’s bitter and herbaceous. I prefer to drink it from a glass but would also not mind drinking it from the grooves of a *checks notes* chiseled abdomen. I hear that’s good for imparting a slight flavor to the drink, and skin will always be in season. I am the worst.